


Wisdom & Folly

by TomAyto10



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Family Feels, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rival Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 21:31:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8301868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomAyto10/pseuds/TomAyto10
Summary: Each time they meet, it's there, that moment hanging over them, always bringing them to this, to Ikkei leaning over him and searching for a satisfaction that he yearns for but can never quite bring himself to reach.
Ikkei learns wisdom from his folly.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AndthereIwas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndthereIwas/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [智慧與愚昧](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960254) by [Yiyun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yiyun/pseuds/Yiyun)



> Just uploading all my backdrafts

 

The look on Keishin’s face as Ikkei Ukai opens his front door is that of a man going into battle.

The teacher trailing behind him, Takeda Ittetsu, doesn’t look much better, but at least he greets Ikkei politely with a bow and hands him a fine bottle of Sake.

He likes Takeda-sensei. The man is honest, hardworking and trustworthy. He managed to get stupid stubborn Keishin back into organized volleyball without any intervention on his part. That’s a feat of itself.

Not to mention an excellent taste in alcohol.

“Not bad, Sensei.” Ikkei says, as he looks over the bottle.

The teacher smiles and bows again, “Thank you for allowing us to come.”

Keishin flips off his shoes and brushes past Ikkei with all the  grace of a delinquent. He’s acting more bratty than usual today.

“I have to let him, since he’s technically family, but you-” he motions to the open hallway Keishin has disappeared through, “You’re welcome anytime.”

Takeda looks taken aback at that, averts his eyes away in what Ikkei can only read as shame, perhaps guilt and that doesn’t make any sense.

“Thank you very much.”

Ikkei frowns, but nods, “Alright then, follow the kid down the hall to the main room. I’ll get something to drink this with.”

Takeda bows again. So polite. Keishin still hasn’t learned any manners though, despite all the time he spends with the man. 

 

Ikkei heads to the kitchen, picking up three shot glasses and tries works out the kinks in his back. He can hear his grandson in the other room, murmuring with Takeda, hushed tones that seem suspicious.

Ikkei didn’t want to assume but Keishin’s gruff, curt attitude is flashing all warning signs of coming problems. He had called earlier in the week to ask if he could come down with Takeda to discuss some things. Spring tournament is coming up and the team is rough at the moment from what Keishin had mentioned in passing, so they probably needed the help. 

But, as Ikkei enters the room and sits at the table, setting the glasses on the wood between them, he has a nagging that this isn’t at all about volleyball.

They are both too unnaturally still, too tense, from Takeda’s picture perfect seiza to Keishin’s attempt at being aloof with crossed legged sprawl, his tight spine ruining the effect.

Ikkei, feeling the tension, only begins pouring the drinks, and sets one in front of each of them.

“Okay, spit it out, Keishin.” Ikkei starts, breaking the thick anticipation in the air, and he doesn't see his grandson’s reactions,  looking down at his glass of rich liquor.

 

Keishin takes a breath, as if he’s about to plunge underwater, and then he’s taking down the entirety of his glass in a quick movement and drops it back on the table with a clang.

For courage, Ikkei recognizes, worry starting to bleed into his thoughts. What is wrong? What has the damn kid fallen into now?

It’s only quiet for a moment. Calm before the storm.

“Gramps,” he starts and he sounds too high, sounds afraid, and Ikkei holds his breath. “I’m dating Takeda. Him. We’re dating. Been for a while.”

Ikkei blinks once, slow and focused, his lids drooping over the sight of his tense grandson, and apparently, his lover, trembling next to him.

“I thought you should know first.” Keishin finishes all in a breath.

Ikkei glances between them, each of them holding his gaze despite the frantic look in their eyes.

“I see.”

Keishin straightens his spine even more, “I know, it's- not what you expected but, it just happened, you know, and well-”

Ikkei looks down at his cups, carefully lifting it to his lips to take a drink, draining the thing and refilling it before he looks back up to his grandson.

“It just happened, Gramps.” Keishin repeats, sounding worried with his lack of reaction. 

Yes, things like this happen, don’t they? Ikkei knows that too well.

 

_ Nekomata is the type of man he usually can’t stand, one that lacked a single serious bone in his body, and it is damn annoying. His short stocky stature, wide shoulders, and easy walk is all in complete opposite to Ikkei’s tall regal strength. they are foils in attitude too, Nekomata laughs easily, encourages with a smile and all through the game looked over to Ikkei with the world’s most infuriating smirk. Nothing like Ikkei’s hard pressed spartan ways. _

_ But, Nekomata is an excellent coach. That fact is evidenced in the heavy defeat Karasuno has just suffered. Twice.  _

_ Ikkei has never seen another team so consistent, so hard wired to move as a single unit. It made the glaring holes in his own team all the more obvious.  _

_ He’s already thinking of what is the first thing they will work on when they get back, how to drill them so that they fall asleep of exhaustion and dream of nothing but volleyball.  _

_ “You could kill someone with that glare, Ukai-san.” _

_ Nekomata has slid next to him and leaned against the wall, without a sound, and his mouth is in that obnoxious smirk.  _

_ “What do you what?” Ikkei spits out, not attempting any sort amiability. he shouldn’t but he’s feeling peeved at the curled lips of the other coach has him remembering his recent utter defeat.  _

_ “Depends.” Nekomata digs his hands into the pockets of his jacket, looking up at Ikkei with an evil glint in his eye, “What are you offerin’?” _

_ “Didn't come to gloat?” Ikkei jabs back, ire rising at his easy attitude. _

_ “I would never.” Nekomata scoffs out with mock offense.  _

_ Somehow Ikkei doubts that. _

_ “You're testing my patience, Nekomata.”  _

_ He is a lot taller than the other coach, and he's using his height as advantage, trying to intimidate him so as to rid him of that damn smirk at least. _

_ Nekomata doesn't bat an eye, “Oh, I had assumed you were the type of man that like the challenge, Ukai-san.” _

_ Ikkei blinks, feeling effectively corned by that observation.  _

_ Well, damn.  _

_ He's at odds with himself, half of him wants to strangle the cocky bastard and the other half wants to laugh in surprised admiration. He, of course, does neither.  _

_ Something victorious breaks out over Nekomata face, sudden, and he’s smiling more broadly now, filling his eyes with brightness, the eternal smirk turning into something like full of delight.  _

_ “So you can smile...” _

_ Ikkei frowns hard immediately. Had he?  He almost touches at his lips to confirm it, but instead crosses his arms. He doesn't need to check, he felt his lips turn up without his permission. _

_ “It’s nice. Do it more often.” Nekomata teases. _

_ “What do you want, Nekomata?” Ikkei, ignoring his lapse of composure, and the compliment, returns to the stalled conversation. _

_ Nekomata shrugs, smile returning to the teasing curve, “I honestly wanted to tell you good game. Even if you did lose.”  _

_ Ikkei looks over to his team, stretching and waiting for Ikkei to bark orders at them. _

_ “Alright, then. Good game today, Nekoma.” He says, politely, like his mother taught him, turning back to the short broad man.  _

_ “Its Nekomata, Ukai-san.” _

_ “I know what it is.” _

_ Nekomata raises an eyebrow but then slaps at his arm, a good hearty hit, and grins again, “Well, good. I’ll see you around then, Karasuno.” _

_ Ikkei grunts at the impact, and glances at the kids now watching them, and nods, turning in dismissal. _

_ “I’m looking forward to it” Nekomata calls out from behind him, and Ikkei glances over his shoulder to him, black hair shiny bright in the late afternoon sun, and eyes laughing at him. he;s feels annoyed, he feels challenged… he feels- _

_ Ikkei smiles again and finds him looking forward to it too. _

 

“-and I’m tired of hiding it. Of looking over my shoulder every time I so much as look at Ittetsu for long. “

Ikkei looks over to the teacher, but Takeda isn’t looking at him. His gaze is fixed on Keishin and Ikkei sees how his eyes blink shocked at the use of his first name, and then his expression softens, fills with gratitude and open affection. Ikkei has to look away.

Keishin is still going on, building speed in his rant. He hasn’t seen Keishin so driven in a while, and he feared that he had somehow fallen into the mediocrity of life, routine and boring. It seems he underestimated his grandson. 

“I don’t want to hide this anymore, I want people to know, be able to live the way I want with who I want.”

“Are you sure you’re being swept up in something you don’t fully understand. You’re prone to make stupid impulsive decisions.” Ikkei means it at sharp as he says it. If Keishin is serious then fine, great, but if this is just some fling, something rebellious to get back at his parents telling him to settle down already  _ with a woman _ , or curiosity in dabbling something new, then this is a stupid risk to take.

Keishin looks stricken and growls out with dark angry, “You actually think I’m playing?”

He looks so mad, Takeda shifts as the air becomes thick in the confrontation, and Ukai only leans further on the table, eyes intense in their fire. Ikkei knows Keishin’s anger, that biting smoldering heat of his rage, and decides he doesn't want to deal with it at the moment. 

Besides, he can see perfectly well how serious his grandson is in this, and he’s surprised he didn’t see it before, it’s so obvious now, how taken he is. He just had to ask, make sure. 

It probably began with imperceptible slowness, a night spent too close over a couple of beers, laughing and reflecting, teasing until curiosity made them reach out for each other until their chests burn with the want of more.                         

Ikkei understands that feeling perfectly.

 

_ “It's been years, Ukai, when are yoooo~u going to win, huh?” _

_ Ikkei pours himself another shot, ignoring the slurred taunt. _

_ It is late, enough heat and alcohol in his blood that he is probably making the mosquitoes biting at him drunk with every bite. _

_ Nekomata is too happy, after the fiasco that the practice game was, with Karasuno losing seven times in a row. Ikkei groans as he remembers about it, and takes the shot with a grimace. He is going to have to rev up their training, again, to whip them into shape if the new ones plan on getting anywhere this year. _

_ ‘Oi, don't go all brooding on me, Ukai. Maybe if you actually trained those kids to receive-” _

_ “Shut up,” Ikkei growls out and is surprised by how slurred he sounds. It doesn’t stop him from pouring himself another helping. How long have they been there, how many shots are sloshing around in his stomach right now? _

_ “There he is...” Nekomata says fondly as he reaches out and takes Ikkei’s cup, downing the drink with a satisfied sigh, before beckoning for more, “But that play in the first round, gotta say was pretty smooth.” _

_ Ikkei feels the praise warm his skin, and he starts grinning, “Working on something new.” _

_ “Care to share?” _

_ Ikkei grunts, an obvious ‘Hell No’  and reaches across Nekomata to grab a new bottle at the edge of the table to serve him. Nekomata starts chuckling, “There you go again, showing off.” _

_ Ikkei thumbs off the cork and watched the amber liquid fill his empty cup.“What?” _

_ “Tell me something, Ukai.” Nekomata is leaning in closer, sharp tangy alcoholic breath sweeping over Ikkei’s face. “Do you own a shirt that has sleeves?” _

 

_ Ah, Nekomata is starting the flirting up again. _

_ “Do you ever stop drinking? How many is that, Nekomata?” Ikkei has just put together that Nekomata had taken his drink and his brain is miffed after he processes the atrocity of that discovery.  _

_ The man only smiles into his own glass, “I'm celebrating. I crushed my rival a total of seven times today.” _

_ “We’ll get you next time.” Ikkei rebuffs as he pours for himself again, this time making sure to grab the glasses lest it be stolen. _

_ “Ha! You can only hope. Yeah-” Nekomata says cheerfully, triumph in his tones “-it's a good night. Victory, liquor and my loser friend here, just hanging out, not much can make this night better.”  _

_ Ikkei is ignoring him, opting on taking a mouthful of Sake.  _

_ “Although-” Nekomata sing songs and Ikkei groans. He knows that pitch all too well, dreams about it sometimes even. “Stop. No.” he says to perhaps curb whatever Nekomata cooking up in that brain of his, but all it does is add fuel to the flame _

_ “I promise it’ll be good-” he starts to laugh, something offensively loud and rude, unattractive but it has Ikkei grinning in an exasperated fondness. _

_ “We could seal this night as the best ever if you kissed me, Ikkei. I mean like a real good kiss.” _

_ Ikkei has had too much alcohol, feels too content, and Nekomata flirting pulls at a trigger in him. He knows he’s joking, it always devolves to this weird, innocent teasing, but sometimes it just- _

 

_ Ikkei looks at the other man, at his monkeying, mocking grin, the raised eyebrow in some sort of comical suggestion, flushed cheeks and glazed eyes, strong broad shoulder and the hand loosely wrapped around his now empty cup. _

_ Ikkei is suddenly so angry, because somewhere in him, he agrees. That this night could be better with a kiss, and that he wants it. _

_ he damn wants that. _

_ His body is moving before he can grasp at what is whirling in his head, understanding leaving him in response to the urge to come in closer. He invades the other’s space without mercy, so closes that he can count eyelashes, can see how pretty eyes can be when bright and glazed over with a drunken glow. All this new knowledge makes him burn, heart flutter against his chest into heavy thuds. _

_ He growls out his words, the sounds scraping against all the heat in his throat, and coming out rough and deep.  _

_ “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Nekomata”  _

_ He doesn’t know what he means by it, but he does mean it, and adrenaline is racing through him at the thought of that promise. _

_ Nekomata’s face drops all humor, looks stunned and reeling back from the words, eyes wide and the breath knocked out of him as if he was sucker punched.  _

_ Ikkei leaves him then, stumbling to feet, “I’m going to go pay.” he tells him, trying to act normal at that but his voice trembles and he swallows hard. _

_ He doesn’t look back at Nekomata, but he feels his eyes on him. He can’t look back because he doesn't know if he’ll be able to turn away a second time.  _

_ It’s a bad sign. A very bad sign. _

_ He doesn't see Nekomata for the remainder of the year, the only communication between them is a phone call to tell him that they had lost in the third round and wouldn’t be making it to nationals. When they do see each other again, they don’t mention anything of it, and treat each other normally. _

_ But Ikkei never forgot that moment, can recall it with a sharp painful clearness, every night before he drifts to sleep, wondering if Nekomata is thinking of the same thing. _

 

“I don’t think you’ll ever understand but I love Takeda. I don’t care what people say about that stuff, or what this will do the family. I couldn’t help it, and it stupid, it's fuckin’ idiotic that anyway should care about shit like who I'm happy with, anyways.”

Keishin has been never wordy, he’s blunt and gruff and to the point, much like Ikkei himself. It’s one of the reasons he likes his grandson so much,  is hard on him with heavy-handed affection.

Now, Keishin seems to be unraveling. He’s angry, frustrated and helpless as he tries to explain himself, tries to make Ikkei come to gripes how little choice he had, and how swept up he is in love.

When Ikkei flickers his gaze from Keishin’s monologue to the teacher, trying to read his expression. Takeda's eyes still haven’t left Keishin's profile, and that tell Ikkei all he needs to know about him. 

Love.

“I’m not leaving him, no matter what you tell, or what happens. if you disown me or I get kicked out of the family-”

Ikkei wants to react to that declaration, wants to cut in that he’s not going to that, would never do that but Keishin looks like he’s barely holding back hysteria.

Keishin had said that he would never understand what he’s feeling, the impossibility of the want of one that he shouldn’t, of happiness he can only dream of. He knows of hiding, of fearing shadows, of feeling exposed with a mere glance, holding back even a friendly touch in fear of what might be caught by the eyes of others, and of stealing every moment he can.

It’s terrifying, it's cruel, it is something he once hated.

 

_ “This-” _

_ Nekomata always looks so different when surprised. It's a secret pleasure of his, to disarm the other man into a soft open look of shock. _

_ Ikkei hunches in closer, the tension in the air weighing him down and the shine in Nekomata’s eyes drawing him in. _

_ “What.” Ikkei whispers back, as if the empty room has ears.  _

_ He’s looming over him and leaning his weight on the arm braced against the wall, pressed up against the warmth of the other’s body. Nekomata’s eyes are wide and bright, rid of all humor, looking almost panicked. It would warn Ikkei to step away, to give him space, but Nekomata is  slowly leaning in, letting his breaths leave him is a silent shuddering gasps. _

_ It's been building, growing between them for awhile now since that night at the bar years ago, when Ikkei was caught up in the heat, in a single moment, when all lines ofso-calledd normality blurred and nothing has been straight for him since. _

_ Each time they meet, it's there, that moment hanging over them, always bringing them to this, to Ikkei leaning over him and searching for a satisfaction that he yearns for but can never quite bring himself to reach. _

_ Nekomata looks over his face, drops to his lips and then he turns away, as if forced to.  _

_ Ikkei frowns, lifts his hand to touch his chin, against rough print pick of neglected stubble and tanned skin, warm and flushed from alcohol, from the summer heat, from more- _

_ His fingers touch up against his cheek, and Nekomata looks up at him, shocked, tense, like the hand at his face is going to slap him instead of just slide across skin. _

_ Ikkei feels distantly offended. _

_ Then, without warning, Nekomata relaxes under him, leans into his palm, the look in his eyes, Hoping.Trusting. _

_ Its very clear.  _

_ Do it. Kiss me. Please. _

_ Ikkei feels the back of his neck buzz with nerves, his heart pounds against his ribs so loud he’s sure the hometown can hear him, his mouth dry and skin flashes with goose bumps even in the humid summer air.  _

_ They’ve known each other for almost seven years, Nekomata is his friend, his best friend, and right now- _

_ right now all he wants to do is kiss him. _

_ It's not a want, driven by curiosity, by lust, it's visceral need, a thought that the second it entered his mind had plagued him with dreams, and desires and hopes.  _

_ Its not a product of too much alcohol in their veins, not of their solid friendship, or their loyal rivalry. _

_ Nekomata knows him better than anyone in this world, knows when to laugh, how to read his expression for fatigue, tells him to slow down when he’s pushing himself too hard, or to shape up when he’s not doing all he can to strive for being the best he can be.  _

_ And he knows Nekomata, sees which smiles are fake, how his face shifts with irrepressible pride in his team, the glint in his eye before a cocky tease, or the bitter sound of his voice after the defeat. _

_ He wants him, to know more, to learn more, and to have more. _

_ But- _

_ Ikkei doesn’t lean in, doesn’t cave and pulls away. For tonight, at least. _

_ Nekomata doesn’t look offended, or disappointed, only grins and slumps back against the wall, but Ikkei sees the shallowness of the smile, and can see the quiet desperation in his eyes. _

_ Ikkei hopes one day he’ll be brave enough to not pull away. _

 

“So-” Ikkei cuts into Keishin’s rant without mercy, “What are you planning then, Keishin.”

The young man pauses mid-sentence, and then he leans back, looks over to the teacher, perhaps for strength, or maybe just comfort, before he lifts his shoulders and looks him right in the eye. Brave boy.

“We’re coming out. Telling people ‘bout us.”

Ikkei shouldn’t be surprised, not with how clearly Keishin is fed up with it, how lovesick he seems, but it still steals a breath from him, said so clearly. It’s threatening, a sudden real and present danger.

“You realize what this will do, don’t you?” He isn’t angry, not disappointed, would never be disappointed, just protective. The Ukai name is famous, everyone knows everything in small towns like theirs, and Keishin is putting himself up for slaughter.

“Have you really thought about this clearly?”

Keishin slams a hand on the table, flipping his empty cup over, “Damnit, yes! I have. I think about all the time, can’t sleep because I think about it. I know exactly what I'm getting into. And I don’t care.” 

Ikkei blinks at the outburst and then looks at Takeda.

“have you thought about him? How it could affect his life, his job?”

He wants to agree, wants to tell them it's fine, do whatever you want with your life, please do what makes you happy but he feels the need to impart wisdom, warn them of the troubles and prepare them for the tremulous future they’ll have. 

Takeda starts at the reference to him, opens his mouth as if he’s about to speak but then looks over to Keishin and pauses, obviously deferring to him.

Keishin leans back, wilting a bit, “Yes. I have thought about him. We’ve talked about it. A lot.”

“And?”

“We don’t want to live a half-assed life because we were too afraid of the unknown. I’m-,  _ we _ , are willing to face whatever, as long it’s together.”

Half-assed? Fearing the unknown? 

That hits too close to home. 

 

“ _ Well, I'll be. You have sleeves.” _

_ Ikkei looks away from the mirror to glance at the voice, and his heart jumps into his throat when he sees who it is. _

_ “What- what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming.” _

_ Nekomata slides the door closed behind him and steps in. He’s smiling, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. _

_ “I said that, yeah, but it was stupid of me. Of course, I had to be here. It’s a big day.” _

_ He’s dressed in a suit, look polished and elegant and Ikkei can’t look at him, turns away from the sight. _

_ There is a lot of unspoken things between them, hanging in the air like dark looming storm clouds, ominous and heavy  _

_ It’s strange, the suffocating feeling from someone as open and kind as Nekomata. _

_ “You landed yourself a nice wife, you lucky bastard,” Nekomata says, his voice deeper than usual. _

_ Ikkei takes a sharp breath, can’t lift his eyes from the wooden floor of his room to confront the facts. _

_ “Yasufumi-” The name slips from him. It isn’t the first time, he’s used before but now it bears down on them hard, leaves him feeling raw and exposed when he finally looks up and meets his gaze. _

_ Nekomata’s smile is gone. He looks older without that smile, and the corners of his eyes are already showing crow’s feet, from all the damn smiling he does, and he’s only in his thirties. _

_ “Hey…” Nekomata says and steps in closer, reaching up to fix the collar of his wedding robes, before sliding carefully to his shoulder. His gaze is soft, and lips turned up in a small fond smile. “Hey, it’s alright. We’ll always have volleyball, right?” _

_ Ikkei stares at him, his body stiff, something shaking in him, breaking apart. _

_ “I-” he says, and it comes out hushed, “My parents- my family, they-” It's all excuses, does nothing but expose all his cowardice to the Nekomata’s bright laughing eyes.  _

_ Nekomata doesn’t judge him. “I know.” and his voice break, but he swallows hard again,“I know.” _

_ Ikkei reaches up to wrap fingers around the hand at his shoulder, pressing in against warm rough skin, gripping tight for when he’ll have to let go. _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for. For falling in love, for letting Nekomata fall in love, encouraging it every time they were alone and whispering at one another. For never moving forward, never  trying to cross invisible lines even though it burned at him day and night. For today, getting married to a kind, sweet woman but not to someone he felt a passionate desire to embrace, to hold and laugh with.  _

_ He feels sick, wants to run but- _

_ “Sorry for what? This is good, Ikkei! You’ll be happy. Have a family, and grow old, probably end up an old grump with bratty grandkids. It’ll be a good life.” _

_ they don’t say what on both their minds. A good life, sure, but certainly not the one they want. _

_ Nekomata leans away, his hand slipping from Ikkei’s hold, and stepping back. The simple action has all the tellings of finality, of goodbyes.   _

_ “We’ll still see each other. Friends. Rivals. To the very end. We’ll be famous for it.” _

_ Ikkei swallows against unsaid words caught in his throat, not knowing if seeing Nekomata year after year now will be a blessing or a curse.   _

_ “You should get going, Ikkei.” Nekomata crosses the room to the door, opens it, and he looks back, and his smile is in place, and despite the shine of his eyes, it’s a true one. “Good luck. Be happy. You deserve it.” _

_ Then quietly leaves the room, the sound of the door sliding closed is like a coffin lid being shut for all of eternity. _

_ Everyone comments on his red-rimmed eyes throughout the wedding, how unexpected it is to see a man like Ikkei Ukai be sentimental enough to cry from joy. _

_ They don't know anything. _

 

“I understand, Keishin.”

“No. You don’t.”

“Yes.” It’s Ikkei turn to slap his hand against the table, aggressive because of his own frustrations  and it has Keishin, and Takeda for that matter, snapping back, startled into silence. “-I do.”

Keishin frowns, still unconvinced but he waits for Ikkei to say his peace. Ikkei sighs and pours himself another glass, filling it to the brim.

“It's true, I didn't expect this but, if you want to tell the world, I'm not going to stop you. I don’t want to stop you. But-” Ikkei looks over their frozen expressions, “-you do know what you do is your own damn business. You don't owe anyone an explanation.” 

Keishin looks over at Takeda and though he doesn't catch the words being communicated between them, he marvels at the fact that they can do that, speak through just a silent gaze. Keishin faces him again, brow drawn tight over his sharp eyes, “We know. We want to. And we wanted to tell you first.”

That's important, Ikkei feels that, and nods, lifting his cup to drink.

“So- you're, uh, okay with it?”

“Would it matter if I wasn't?”

Keishin hardens, “It would to me.”

Ikkei grins at that and lowers his cup. “Keishin. I'm proud of you.”

Keishin’s face immediately drops all aggression, and he looks so young then, like a boy seeking after for approval. “Wha-?”

“this what you're doing is incredibly brave. Something not everyone has the guts to do, and I'm proud that you are facing it head on.”

Takeda takes a breath, relief in his exhale, his eyes shining with pride at Keishin, and it has Ikkei pushing forward.

“Whatever happens, know I'm behind you. 100%. I won’t leave this to yourself.”

They look like they don't understand like they are having a hard time comprehending that yes, Ikkei is fine with their relationship. Proud of their relationship. 

“I promise it.”

He has lost a lot of opportunities in his past, lived a content life that was filled with happy moments, victorious and shining bright. But there is also regrets, defeats and unknowable what ifs. Keishin wouldn't have that problem. He’s taking a chance at what Ikkei didn't dare. 

Ikkei is so glad.

He doesn't want Keishin to live his life half-assed and full of regret.

 

_ “You’re sounding more like an old man every time I hear you, Ikkei.” _

_ Ikkei feels the smile on his face, can’t control his expression, “And you haven’t changed one goddamn bit.” _

_ A nurse comes in, clipboard in hand but she freezes and she blinks at Ikkei’s expression probably because he hasn’t smiled once since they put him in this godforsaken prison. He flicks a weak hand at her, motioning her to leave. She looks a tad offended, then huffs and obeys. Benefits of being an old gruff fart, Ikkei supposes. _

_ Nekomata is laughing on the other end and it brings Ikkei back to their youth so instantly that he feels all his aches and pains with a new raw reality.  _

_ Time is so precious. Youth is a treasure. _

_ “So, you ready for me to destroy your new team?” _

_ Ikkei clenches his jaw, and his hand tightens on the phone. He is quiet for a second too long because Nekomata, with thirty years of friendship under his belt, reads the silence. Voice absent of all good humor, he asks, “Is something wrong, Ikkei?” _

_ Ikkei lets his eyes close, images of a young forever smiling Nekomata invading his sight, of promises broken, and dreams shattered and especially of regret, of things that never were. _

_ “I won’t be there. I don’t know when I’ll be able to return.” _

_ “I see.”  _

_ Nekomata must've tried to sound fine with the news, he’s the type of man that likes to make everyone happy, to instill confidence and hope and laughter in others, but now, he sounds so disappointed, so full of sorrow that Ikkei feels his eyes wet from under their lids. _

_ “I suppose you can’t help it.” _

_ “I’m sorry. I-” he stumbles through the words, in a show a vulnerability that only Nekomata has witnessed, forcing them past the knot growing in his throat, “I truly am.” _

_ Nekomata is silent, then with a rasp of static, and his voice again full of warmth and laughter, he sighs, “Don’t be, Ikkei. You're an old man.”  _

_ There is teasing in all the notes of his words, but it drops away as Nekomata continues, “Take care of yourself, Ikkei. Please.”  _

_ Ikkei wishes that he could see him now, offer him a drink and laugh, reminisce about the days when they felt like volleyball was all there was in the world. Volleyball, and each other. _

_ “I will.” _

_ And he really wants to keep this promise. _

 

Keishin still looks a little shell shocked, as he makes his way through the front hallway. Ikkei accompanies them to the door. 

They have to go, have a meeting with Alumni about the team, and can’t stay for long.

Ikkei figures that they planned it that way so that if he didn’t react kindly to their confession, they had a scapegoat.

“Gramps, you-” Keishin has shaken away most of his confusion,and he stops to turn his head to him. Ikkei raises an eyebrow at him, and Keishin flaps his mouth, looking lost, “-just…Thank you.”

It’s heartfelt, and it reminds him of when Keishin was young and Ikkei would give him a rare praise.

Takeda, small and delicate looking next to his grandson, blinks at them and Ikkei turns his attention to him.

“Takeda-sensei.”

The man stiffens, preparing for the worst no doubt but he keeps the eye contact. Strong, Ikkei notes, despite all his awkwardness. Good.

“Take care of him. I really hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

He means it as a joke, that Keishin is more trouble than he’s worth but also as a clear warning. Who knows the effect of two men in a relationship will do to this town, to their families, to Takeda’s very livelihood. It's a risk that Ikkei never confronted, one he avoided and couldn’t find the courage to face. He was never brave enough to reach for those dreams.

Takeda nods his head, quick assurance, “I will. I will try my hardest to make sure that-”

Ikkei cuts him off, “You love him, right?”

Takeda’s eyes are wide at the question, and he looks over to Keishin, but he only coughs awkwardly and avoids his gaze. Takeda looks back at Ikkei, and something brave and unyielding shines through. It's what he look for in his players, courage, will, determination. Keishin got himself a good partner.

“Yes, I do.” Takeda says, and his voice doesn’t waver, “With all my heart.”

Keishin is flustered beside him, like a schoolboy, but the smile that crosses his face is familiar. It's the type of smile that Nekomata used to force out of him, fond and unconscious. Nothing but real happiness.

“Then that’s all I care about. You’re a good man. I know you’ll do well.”

Takeda’s bright brown eyes fill with tears behind the glasses, and he bows. “Tha- thank you.” 

Ikkei smiles.

After a quite heavy moment, Keishin puts a gentle hand on the teacher’s arm, and Ikkei has to smile at that too. Who would've thought that his smoking bad mouthed bratty grandson would turn into such a lovesick dork. 

“We gotta go, gramps.” Keishin says, but his eyes are only on Takeda, “I’ll come back later. To, uh, talk or something.”

Takeda inclines his head in farewell, his eyes bright with unshed tears and turns with Keishin to the obstinate yellow car.

Ikkei watches them go, sees how Keishin hands slides down the teacher's arm, and catches his hand in his. It's sweet, and Ikkei almost wants to groan, want to laugh and feels a faint envy. 

If Takeda were a woman, no one would bat an eye, would only praise them of what an ideal match they were, how lucky the Ukai family must be to have a tender soul like that, a modest driven teacher, into the folds of their family.

But, it won’t be like that at all, will it?

What the hell was wrong with the world, that people couldn’t just love who they wanted to.

Ikkei shakes his head, feeling old and wizened, but incredibly proud. He heads into the house with trying to work up a renewed vigor. He’s guessing that things around here are about to become a chaotic mess soon, and he can’t abandon those boys due some stupid relapse into illness. He’ll be brave this time around and is thankful to have another opportunity to do what is right.

He walks into the main room, and grabbing the barely touched bottle of Sake, he sits down by the phone.

 

He suddenly feels like calling an old friend.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
